A Colored Girl's opinions

Hello, I hope you all are fine. I haven't been. My family problems plus applications plus quarratine plus work has made me a little teeny tiny bit moody. So I thought I would make a list of things I have been doing to keep me sane this month. 1) If you want to be productive, do it While it is not necessary to be productive. You can, if you have the mental capacity and time for it. Please don't push yourselves. But it is okay to engage in activities Duolingo - Really good free app to learn languages Female Fitness- Free app for workouts Udemy and Coursera- All courses are 95% off 2) Hobbies If you do not want to learn a new skill. You can always spend time working on an old one. I have started writing again. Even written a few stories and poems. Let me know if I should post them. 3) Hello, It's me Reconnect with old friends. I have had face time sessions and playing games with old friends. It has actually been quite good. Recommend it especially i...

When I was small, making friends was one of the easiest things to do. My mom sent me out and they asked me if I wanted to play and I said yes and it was meant to be. Adult interactions on the other hand is so annoying. I am currently at a family reunion of my cousins and I don't know any of these cousins. As you all know I am back on this blog cause I am sad and my family wanting to cheer me up sent me to this to have with my cousins and theirs. But oh wait I am fat and that seems to be a problem for everyone. My food quantity is being judged, my body type seems to be an issue and oh my favorite I have to interact with human beings who are so reluctant to interact with me. Why do I put up with this you ask? Because my anxious introverted self seeks validation lol For anyone who has ever been the situation, I have come up with a few ways to help you interact with people who aren't necessarily bad but are just not interested in who you are as a human being. Rule no ...

Shocker. I am having a crisis Back when I ended this blog I was very determined not to come back. And I kept my word for a whole year. But my situation has changed. I need this to be my outlet. I realized writing about my feelings did help me.It gave me perspective and the chance to say things  I maybe shouldn't in person. I also made an Instagram to have political outlet. It's called @acoloregirlsramblings if you want to follow. You know the Judge from The Good Place saying the Earth is a mess y'all is the biggest understatement of the century. My country is a mess. Australia is burning and Indonesia is flooding. Let's not forget one of the most powerful countries would rather spend 2 trillion dollars to get military power rather than give Flint cleaner water, help the homeless or improve the fucking joke of a healthcare system. And to be honest my personal life is a mess too. Most Days I get up not ready for the world. I am tired and exhausted. I fight at h...

I started this blog so long back. When it first premiered it was this ballsy step I had taken. I wrote about my sorrow and heartache which as a teenager seemed like the end of the world. But recently seems like a memory I rather leave behind with the end of my teen years. This blog started from an obsession to a annoyance to write to something I forgot I had. When I was younger it was such a part of my personality that I had written about it in various college essays. I feel like now is the time to say goodbye. This may not be permanent. Knowing me the minute my heart breaks I'm might be right here where I started trying to heal by writing my feelings to various strangers from websites I hope aren't scandalous. From badly written poems to grammatical errors I still correct thanks for always reading my words. Even if it was a random find or a way to laugh or mock or relive with me. It's nice that someone out there had read this. This was more for me than anyone else...

I have this habit of re watching old sitcoms whenever I see memes based on it or read something interesting for example Full house or my all time favorite Fresh prince of bel Air. So when I watched one of the SATC movies I realized how I perceived the characters was only based on the movies. And had no idea who Aidan was and didn't really understand most of references. So I decided to watch the series and what I realized was I HATED IT. The premise is quite bold for a 90s sitcom. But the characters. Miranda is the only character that doesn't make me want to scream. Carrie is everyone's best friend. And that's not possible. Sam,Miranda and Charlotte seem to have no rapport except during banter when they meet. No friendship. They are never portrayed to hang out or even have a relationship unless the episode demands it. In a time where we need to prove women have to stick together. The show seems to come in rather poor taste. Also don't get me started on the...

I have a pattern. Every time I am falling down a spiral, I write this stupid blog. It's like an addiction I can't remember a time when I didn't have this blog to rant through a shitty arrangement of words. I'm in that phase of my life where I have to take a major life decision. As a girl who is just starting out my adult life and has made 4 life changing decisions already. I want the world to have the courtesy to stop. And just freeze. Every where I go I have the words marriage, career, babies and future thrown at me. People in uni already know if they want to get married and have babies and have the job of their dreams and then there's me who celebrated making a meal that didn't come out of a box. I wanted to take a gap year but how dare I spend time on trying to figure myself out and trying to understand who I am as a person. But instead I forced on the rat race I call life where I'll have to work till I die. And the one day I will cease to exist ...

I was watching one tree hill the other day. And I was watching the episode where Keith shows Lucas how every little thing he had done even though it wasn't major to him at the time. It changed the way I viewed the world. I recently lost a friend/ acquaintance who was murdered. I won't get into too many details. But it has really affected me. Even though they weren't really a part of my life. But I remember clear as day this one day she sat in the bus alone along with me. And I wonder if I just said hi and made conversation maybe it would have been different. I have recently going back to various points in my life. Looking back whether if I acted differently or said something else if I would be where I was now. And if it did change something, would I change it? It bugs me. It has been keeping me up at night. Did it even matter? Did I help someone or Did I tear someone apart? Am I the nice person I claim to be? Lately I don't think I am. I don't think...

 I have spoken about this a lot. This topic has always made a little like the trolls I hate. But its not fair. And I say this as a fan not a struggling Youtuber. I have noticed a pattern  Person appears in video People likes said person Jokes he/she should start channel Person starts appearing more frequently Suddenly SURPRISE SURPRISE the person now has a channel And THE PERSON HAS 100K subs on the first day THE FIRST DAY THE FIRST DAY It just annoys me. That they get so many benefits. What I want to know is would people even subscribe to them if they didn't know them before hand. Their content can be good. But is it worth 100,00 subs in a day. Is it? It is annoying because most of the people just see it as fast money but not cause they really care. They are very few people I know who do. 

Have you ever had a friend that worries you? The kind that goes off the radar. Every 6 months they come back into your life and when you are used to them texting you everyday and then suddenly one fine day poof. I miss that person so much But I can't contact them because something happened and they shut me out. And it's not their fault. It's mine. I am so happy when they are happy I forget to remind myself. That they are not always Happy. Happiness is not an emotion but a lease with a short time period. I am a horrible friend. They need me and all I can do is sit and write a blog. But I dont know what to  do. I'm not a trained professional. Nor do they want to see a trained professional. I feel like they are always there for me.  But I don't how to help them.. Everything I say seems cheesy and non helpful I say " It's going to be okay" But in my head I sound like every tumblr post that mocks my friend's struggle. I feel useless...

Hold her hand Kiss his cheeks Hug him Kiss her Make sure she is loved Make sure he knows Cause one day when they are gone All you will feel is empty Emptyy

I want perspective I want to be able to look at this guy  I want to be able to not be in love with him From his perspective I'm his chubby best friend Friend actually Not even best I'm the person he goes to  When he has no one else When he's alone and needs to rant I rant too But My rants seem pointless Seem unworthy I make sure he feels better He just makes me feel guilty for opening up I love him That's where the problem started As usual your broken  hearted loser blog writer

My heart is heavy. There is one less angel on this planet You changed my life. This socially awkward freak always found comfort in your words and voice I'm sorry you were sad I'm sorry this world keeps disappointing the good people "This world was never meant for One as beautiful as you  Now I think I know What you tried to say to me And how you suffered for your sanity And how you tried to set them free They would not listen, they're not listening still Perhaps they never will" We will always love you <3

Dear Selena, You will probably never read this. But still I want to put it out there in the world. I'm honestly very thankful for you. I know the haters always have something negative to say and at times you will always feel like the world wants to get you down but you are a queen. Too pure and beautiful for this world and it's negativity. I assume you miss Demi. I'm not going to lie I miss your friendship. But we all have friends who at one point we told everything to that we don't talk to anymore. We all miss them. We want them to succeed. I know you want that too. I know some days you miss her when you realized a few things only she would ever find funny and nobody else. It's an inside joke only both of you would understand.  But life moves on. And so have you. You and your boyfriend are very cute. I hope he treats you right. I hope hes the kind of boyfriend you can count on. Even when's hes on tour he makes sure to check up on you. Make sure you...

I started this blog as a 12 year old with problems. At first I posted sad and brooding messages about life. As I grew up it just got worse. I just felt empty. I still do. But the difference is this time I'm trying to be happy. I turned 18 recently and for the first time in a long time I feel something close to happiness. I feel at ease. I still doubt myself and I hate myself on most days. But I'm trying very hard to be happy. But I feel better sometimes and lighter. The weight on my back seems to get less everyday.It's not a major change. But it is helping. I have let go of all the toxic people in my life. I have let go of a lot of things that harm me I am trying to loose weight I am working on bettering myself I am trying to be happy. I really am

We all have been watching that show. And suddenly you must have seen people started admitting they need help or people offering help or as usual the world around you is just turning as normal. But I want you to know wherever you are. Whatever you are experiencing. It does get better It really does. I may not be living proof. Honestly I'm the last person who should be giving advice. But I'm fighting every single day. And you should too. Don't give up not just yet. Never National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call "1-800-273-8255"' USE THIS. PLEASE  As for the misleading title you don't need 13 reasons to stay alive. You just need to hear this. You matter. You really do. You will always matter

In a different world I wouldn't be hurting you In a different world We would have perfect communication In a different world It would be easier I wouldn't be a bitch with no tact In a different world I would be in Riverdale Sitting with Jughead as he rescued me from the world In a different world I could tell you I love you <3 In a different world We'd be the perfect couple

Here we are again Me writing on a blog About how you don't talk to me again Because I can't say to your face You and her seemed so happy I had to let you go It's so awkward between us You must think I'm a bitch I screwed this up I screwed this up so badly No one to blame but me So send my love to her She deserves you more than I ever did And be happy with her Because this time I have decided to let you go Happy Anniversary love </3 I hope I can finally move on

We are from two different worlds You and I You like pretty boys I like pretty girls You like mornings And beginnings I like the dark of the night And the ending is what excites me You like darker colors that make you look so pretty I like lighter colors that makes Everything seem softer Makes the world seem like a happier place You like order You are the most organised person I know Then there's me who is so messy That it's a wonder I don't get lost I hate being prim and proper But you love it You love parties and just dancing the night away But I love being in the background Dancing when I'm alone And just being in the shadows We are so different Yet so similar We both are insecure We protective of the people we love It's takes us long to trust a person We have had our heart broken so many times But we are fighters But there's one things that makes us different There's one thing that makes You and I different is I...

Hey You So here we are. It's been a long time. I miss you so much. I'm such an idiot I fell in love with you. You were first person who ever knew about my sexuality. I told everyone about how I was madly in love with you. Because I thought the more I got it out of my system the less it will hurt to see you with him. But it never got easy.I just fell more and more in love with you. It hurt me so much. You were a saint. You set me up on dates and encouraged me to flirt and find the perfect girl. But all the time the only person I thought was close to perfect was you. Why was I so stupid that I genuinely believed that it was okay to keep it a secret? How did it never occur to me that it would come back to bite me in the face? I was so in love that I was so blind to the fact that you were looking at me with utter pity and a little sadness. When I suddenly saw the look in your eyes then I realised you knew. You knew the truth. And there it was.  That was the end. I lost my c...

Dear Ex-Best friend Hey you! Miss me yet? Cause damn I miss you. Today you posted that picture with your new best friend and I felt emptiness. You broke up with Richard, Tina told me. I almost called you. But as you said you don't need me. You never did. But you still read my blog you old softy. You still like my instagrmas. You still follow my tumblr. Yet Even you seem to sense that if become friends again there will always be that distance between us. We are not the same anymore and we will never be. You once told me I was your first best friend. And what I didn't tell you was you were the only friends I could trust. I miss you so much. Today it was quite awkward when I saw you in the hallway as we just nodded to each other, it just confirmed what I already felt that there's no going back from this. We had ruined everything between us. How did this start? What happened to us? Why are we here in the first place? You are supposed to be the Christina to my Mer...