A Colored Girl's opinions

I saw you the other day With your goofy smile and beautiful laugh The way you still read my mind Scares me The way I forgive you so easily Scares me The way I act like a girl in love around you Scares me The way you call me fat and I dive into self hate  Scares me The way I doubt myself around you Scares me But what scares me the most is the fact that I'm still head over heals in love with you after the pain I have suffered.

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this. And that maybe reading this some of the YouTubers I like may dislike me but I have to speak my mind. Till today it confuses me how most of the people watching YouTube will just subscribe to their favorite YouTuber's friends . Like  you all know how much I love Joe and Caspar and they are part of this group called buttercream squad. which has Joe Sugg, Caspar Lee,Conor Maynard, Jack Maynard, Oli White,Josh Pieters and Mikey Pearce So Oli, Jack,Joe,Caspar and Conor Maynard  have been doing YouTube for the longest time. Jack may have just started recently but the truth is he has been doing this for a long time. But Josh and Mikey have recently just started and have Youtube and already have 100,000 for subscribers which so unfair to many Youtubers who have been working their asses off to make original and interesting content whereas these two mostly Mikey relies on the presence of their friends to help boost their views

What is it about life that makes you fight? What is it about life makes you get up on the morning? What is it about life makes you want to go through with it? What is about life have I got wrong? Why am I losing to life? Why am I losing in general? Why do I get up with tears and not a smile? Why can't be normal and happy? Why am I me? Why? Why ?

Have you ever thought about death? I think of it every day about how life would be so much easier for everyone if I was dead. There are moments where it seems like a better alternative. I'm humble and I realise no one will be hurt by my death. But my mom. I can't hurt my mom. She has done so much for me I can't die for her. I'll try my best for her. But if I lose the battle I don't want my legacy when I die to be the girl who couldn't deal with life pressures. The girl who broke her mom. The girl who should have talked to someone. I want to be the girl who tried. The girl who was crying out for help. The girl who wanted to stay strong for her family and worked hard for it The girl who was waving for help. The girl who was screaming for help. The girl who didn't get help.

I grew up with delena. I would watch their YouTube videos and buy all their albums andsing one and the same with my bestie, We shipped nelena and jemi and wrote fanfic about them and we all around were happy. Liam was with Miley Selena with Nick Joe with Demi I miss Demi and Selena and their friendship,.

I don't get it Society When you see a fat girl eating cake  She's a glutton  Yet a girl who has a great figure according to you is eating a cake They are praised and glorified Boys can't cry  But they can rape and abuse  What can they do ? Boys will be boys Boys can't be abused and raped  Because women are weak and can't harm men Women who work also have to manage at home But if men stay home and take care of the kids Everyone will lose their shit Children's shows that show lgbt+ characters are ruining children yet violence shown in the the tv shows are fine You are not racist but if your child dates another race it's unheard of Call your own children monsters for being who they are And throw them on the streets They are not the monsters Tell people to be themselves and judge them for it Give men and women ridiculously high standards to meet  And claim no body is perfect Shun women who work

Broke again What a surprise! How will I survive this time.  Can't live off my friends or Can I ? Cup Noodles  God bless them! Pancakes? Sure 2 weeks old But will it do ? Mom sends over bread and butter  That will do  As there is no more money Mom cries on the phone "You poor thing! I'm going to send money." Dad screams "She has to learn" Sister and brother post a selfie at Starbucks "Miss you Sister! Its fun to be living at home" As I go to the place I call home  Or dump I see my roommates on the floor One is passed out The other two are making out No boyfriend Broke and fat Failed writer of the newspaper No food Hungry  Stressed Exhausted Have a deadline tomorrow Here's to college the best years of your life High school seems far away And bliss in comparison

He smiled at me  My phone fell  The screen cracked  As he ran to help me I felt butterflies  As I smiled at him  He smirked and shook my hand As he introduced himself As I fell in love with him He smiled again  As he patted me As if to say good job Sarcastically He talked to me like I was the only one there Then the next day came I ran up to him eager  To say hi  When I saw next to him the popular girl He acted like he didnt know me He walked away without even a nod I tried calling his phone The stupid romantic I was I called him for weeks He never called me back Society tells me I shouldn't rely on a man But when he looks at me  The body shamers fade The haters fade I feel beautiful and loved But it all disappeared When he stopped talkin to me

Can we be friends? You fascinate me Can we be friends? We are from the same walk of life. Can we be friends? I want to be a cool kid too Can we be friends? I hate the sidelines Can we be friends? I think you would be a great one Can we be friends? I'll never betray you Can we be friends? I just want a friend Can we be friends? Said the shy girl as she walked away alone

So far the only question all my blog readers seem to ask me is " Who are you ?" Who are you? I'm that girl in class, you don't talk to because I'm not pretty enough according to your standards. I'm the guy you friend zone because I am not the guy ignoring you and breaking your heart. I'm the person you call a loner and blame my lack of friends on me and completely ignore the fact that you never tried and ignored all my attempts I'm the person you ignore I'm the reason you are popular because those jokes you made about me were hilarious Mocking my weight Mocking my lifestyle. mocking my smile. I'm the bully with the back story no one cared about. I just want to be loved I want to be important I am human. I make mistakes. I try to rectify them. I'm human I'm cruel and mean. I'm human I cry at night. I'm human I laugh till my sides hurt I'm human I grumble. I'm human I just want to be accep

1) Beyonce Queen B would smash it and I would pay anything to see Beyonce do normal things like singing in the car and dancing to the music with a friend. 2) Troye Sivan I love Troye Sivan!! He's my lil smol bean who has recently taken the world by storm. And come on till now I haven't met a person who doesn't like Troye's music. And would love to see what songs James Corden would choose 3) Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez I am quite surprised that Taylor or Selena haven't been on the show yet. But I would love to see them together. Them being all bff goals and jamming to each other songs. JAMES PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN 4) Ed Sheeran That Voice. Need I say more. 5 ) Melanie Martinez  CAUSE I LOVE HER OK !!!!!! 6) Halsey She would be so fun and her voice and songs are goals...

We all have one friend in our lives who are fake and yet we keep trying to convince ourselves that's its true friendship or is that only me? One of my fake friends or my only one has recently started a blog and you don't know how much it pains me that I cant scream from the top of my lungs that I have a blog that has 1500 views and 70 articles and I have had it for the past 2 years.  But recently one of my friends told me that me and a person I once thought was my best friends have a toxic relationship. And its true. And so to the reader here are signs you have a fake friend  They don't know basic things about you like your birthday, colour etc They never want to meet you or just hang out Every secret you have ever told them has "mysteriously" been spread They only hang out with you out of necessity They hit on your crushes They don't go out of their way to help you They never listen to you.. It's always about them They have dated

It's my birthday today WOOHOO!! I'm so happy lol I am turning 17 or rather I am now 17!! So basically my friends planned a surprise party which was cancelled at the end and it was the thought that counts sbut I still feel so bad about everything. I feel so incomplete so I donated to charity and my family bought me an elephant and rhino and I will donating towards their health I feel so great and no this is not an ad lol but I think you should check out the site and do somehting good for the world http://www.sheldrickwildlifetrust.org/asp/fostering.asp?gclid=CKKNn7WujssCFRCRaQodqkYGjQ Pls help them <3

Thank you! Thank you! :D for 1000 views Betrayal The bitterness fills the air How could you? As I look at the face that once symbolised happiness Now shows me the mistakes I made The betrayal screams in the room But the silence linger between us The anger trying to be conveyed But all that gets through is sadness As I turn to walk away A small irrational part of me Wants you to call me back Say it was someone kind of sick joke But as I walk away All that echoes in the  room Is the betrayal

I'M  DOWN WITH PEOPLE NOT GETTING THE MEANING OF NO. NO MEANS NO. NO DOESN'T MEAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE NO MEANS NO NO DOESN'T MEAN I AM PLAYING GAMES NO MEANS NO GET THAT THROUGH YOUR BIG FAT HEAD

Happy Easter :D. OR Belated happy Easter I have some Jaspar moving theories and here they are Jaspar theory #1 Joe Sugg is moving in with his girlfriend Jaspar theory #2 They had a falling out Jaspar theory #3 They have hidden feelings and don't want to face the reality so they run away. Jaspar theory #4 Caspar had enough of pranks :P Jaspar Theory #5 Caspar and Joe don't get along no more. This is a very random posts. These theories are just fun and in no way are true and Im not trying to imply that Jaspar are a couple.This post is supposed to be fun and thats it

My Father died when I was very young. And my whole life I have not known how it is to have a father and it hurts me.No, I don't want sympathy I merely want to dedicate this passage to my father on his death anniversary. I was quite young when it happened so I have no memory of him.He died because of a drunk driver.It was all very sudden.My mom brought me up and never gave me a reason to complain or denied me of anything I wanted.But at a small age I realised we live in a dark world.Many men woud intimidate my mother cause she was all alone and my whole life I remember praying that she would come home safely.And sometimes when we walked and the men who would  cat call  and ask me where my dad is. To a 3 year old girl who was bullied for not having a father,the world seemed like a horrid place.I realised at a tender age the world was a cruel place I think I wanted a perfect Dad because i thought it would solve all my problems.But to a 3 year old who her family wanted to shiel

Someone very close to me was hurt by a blog someone had written about them.Both parties were hurt by the words exchanged between them.I for one,want to say this is why my blog is anonymous will never hurt anyone because no one knows who I am. Because when most people are angry, they tend to write the worst things about things or people they are angry with.We often see the most awful parts of people when they are angry but even if you do write about them.You do have freedom of speech,but sometimes for the sake of peoples happiness you should refrain from typing their name and tag them and share it on your facebook.That's pushing it a bit far don't you think? Also what I want to put out there is that I am no superior being and in no way have my life under control but the only things of advice I offer is.These are my simple mantras I try to live my life by are Be nice to people Try to make yourself happy Blog Responsibly Okay I'll shut up now. Bye have a great d

One of my favourite youtubers and go check out her  channel now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jzQAHb0Zk4&index=3&list=WL

I am happy It's the day I have always Dreamed of You are turning 18 You are a whole year older than me But best friend I am soo happy for you And I know you will go out and Change this world. I know right now with all the drama You don't want to celebrate your birthday Because of it. But its you 18th and I sincerely hope you will reconsider it And it hurts me that I am never going to see you for a long time in a few more months Because We are going to different colleges. And it hurts to see you hurting and yes I hate that guy who did this to you. He's an entitled asshole. But I want to know you are very loved and your are the prettiest girl on this planet. And I am so grateful for you. And I know you're going to be fine after we go our separate ways but I just hope you will miss me at least a smidge.But enough about me. It;'s your birthday and I want you to have a lot of fun. Live your life on your terms. Prove

Poem 12 Dreams broken People clashed They were once perfect But now they reminded each other Of what they could have been I could have been a writer You could have been a singer But we ended up giving it all that For Love Love? It disappeared The day I looked at you And felt like everything I ever wanted Had been taken away from me By you And you looked at me The same way I did With regret,bitterness And every feeling except Love It was missing And it will always be missing :) Thank you guys for 900 views you guys make me so happy <3 <3.I really never thought my badly written blog would get even one read never mind 900.. I love all of you guys so much. :P

I'm Having a mental breakdown. Jaspar is moving out the fact that I know the Jaspar house better than my own scares me. The fact that Joe can't make Caspar up with a Air horn hurts me. The Fact that Caspar can't any more talk to Joe while he's on the toilet scares me. No prank war No more Emma Lee with her dads. No more Jaspar cute moments No more Roomate collabs No  more of them being in almost every vlog of each other. No more of them having a third wheel who never leaves. No more being 5 min away from Oli No more Harry's voice and Mildred the ghost. No more science experiments together. No more being best friends. They will eventually grow apart. And 2014-15 will be the best time of our lives I'm sorry I support Joe and Caspar completely it hurts but I'll get over it I needed to write this post to let all my feelings out so I  could feel better. XOXOXOX

Fan girl's version of love Umm Yeah She walked into the room She saw him They were like Nick and Jess  So different yet so perfect together But their love was like Draco and Hermione Because it was forbidden and completely a secret  He was her lobster He loved her since high school They looked perfect  Power couple. She was smart and he was known as seaweed brain They fell in love after he gave some bread He loved her since he was 18 He lover her even through it all She had ran away  She had cancer She died She was part devil and part shadow hunter She was a demi god She was a tribute The hardest part of it all She was fictional hope you like this

Best friend I love you You are there for me Best friend I love you We can do crazy shit together Best friend I love you  You make me smile Best friend i love you  Your the light in my life You punch that guy Who broke my heart You are the mastermind Behind our crazy plans We play Tswift all day long We sing to Sel and Demi We laugh at Jaspoli We read fanfic What would I do without you ? Best Friend I love you

High School Musical Reunion was everything I ever wanted Poem 10 Today the day I waited for All this time I have been thinking of it The day I give you my Heart And tell you that I loved you The day all those stares All those words we exchanged those night long calls The chicken soup you made me What was the cause of my happiness ? You were Your friends knew My friends knew Your Parents knew Mine knew  When I saw you I smiled the brightest smile And I saw her And with one glance the whole world I thought I loved for my fortune Faded away into the shadows As you kissed her I felt numb Your Friends told me that you were an ass And I was ten times the girl she was But she wasn't the person to blame you were She wasn't at fault you were She didn't know when she heard about it I saw her expression It was the sames as mine You broke two Hearts that day You know whose a jerk ? You are

                                                                                                 New Year expectations/resolutions                                                                                          Lose Weight Stop Being a spoil sport Be Less sensitive Dance in public Be Carefree Study Harder Try and make an effort with my looks Be myself Blog often Stop acting like my life's sad Have my first kiss Be Happy with what I have Anne / Andrea out :D

You made me hate love on the first day of the year You made me hate myself on the first day of the year You made me lose faith in men and relationships on the first day of the year You made me forget how it felt to smile on the first day of the year You lost my love I lost my self respect I am walking in the dark You are not there to lead me You were supposed to make my year Not break it You were supposed to be my knight in shining in armour Not the reason I cry at night I am a strong woman You loved that about me But you broke me So no man can love me again All on the first day of the year Anne/Andrea out <3